24-Hour Crisis Line : 888-721-4340
​Office Hours: Monday-Friday 8:00AM-4:00PM

CHECKLIST FOR ASSESSING CHANGES IN ABUSIVE PARTNERS

-Admitting fully to what they have done
-Stopping excuses
-Stopping all blaming of victim
-Making amends
-Accepting responsibility (recognizing that abuse is a choice)
-Identifying patterns of controlling behavior, admitting their wrongness
-Identifying the attitudes that drive their abuse
-Accepting that overcoming abusiveness will be a decades-long process, not declaring themself cured
-Not starting to say, “so now it’s your turn to do your work”, not using change as a bargaining chip
-Not demanding credit for improvements they have made
-Not treating improvements as chips or vouchers to be spent on occasional acts of abuse (e.g. “I haven’t done anything like this in a long time, so why are you making such a big deal about it?”)
-Developing respectful, kind, supportive behaviors
-Carrying their weight
-Sharing power
-Changing how they are in highly heated conflicts
-Changing how they responds to their partner’s (or former partner’s) anger and grievances
-Changing their parenting
 -Changing their treatment of partner as a parent
-Accepting the consequences of their actions (including not feeling sorry for themself about those consequences, and not blaming partner or the children for them)​​


IS MY PARTNER CHANGING?